Happy Sexual Wednesday everyone!
I almost feel like this is a sin to blog on the same day as the new Jenna Marbles video but I don't really have a choice this week so Jenna can get over it, you too Mr. Marbles. Tomorrow morning when I usually blog, I'll be bathing a hairy pony (there's a precious picture of her on my facebook, go like it if you know what's good for you). And just for the record, I do not blog at 6:30 in the morning like it says I do? That would just be weird. This week is pretty crazy with Zones on Saturday, but I still think some exciting things have happened...one of the highlights of my week is being told "I'm just amazed at how cool you are." If you don't really know me and my roomie well, driving in a car with us is probably a bad idea. You WILL be subjected to watching us dance and sing...not well might I add. So thanks group #3 member for just admitting we're pretty cool and not weird like we know you really wanted to say.
This is another topic that I just need to get out in the open and resolved asap. I have been told at least 10 times this week that I am intimidating. Yes, that is the word of choice apparently. I don't really understand this? I'm 5'2" and 120 lbs, WHAT ARE YOU SCARED OF? Seriously? I really want to get to the bottom of this mainly because I usually am nice, just ridiculously sarcastic. People need to not take me so seriously because 90% of the things I say are not to be taken that way. SO since this is obvs an issue, you should leave me a comment on WHY you think I'm intimidating and HOW I should fix this false accusation. If you don't think I'm intimidating, thanks :)...This leads me into another story because asking people if they think I'm intimidating has its consequences. By that I mean, don't ask the first person you see at a party if they are intimidated by you because apparently that is just an invitation for them to hit on you. No it's not, you stop it. Don't get up in my face and say "noooooo, you're cute. Are your eyes green?" Um are you color blind? Yes, they're green. I really think he may have been color blind for reals, he thought I had blonde hair. Uhhhh, nah. And I hate blondes, hateeee them (unless you're already my friend). Sorry I'm not sorry.
Now I'm just going to give myself some props for being the BEST big on planet earth. And if you think I'm lying, I have a shot glass that says "Best Big" for proof! But anyway, most bigs don't do the things that I do for their littles (I love you all by the way). And I know I'm doing a really good job when they start throwing out comments and my reaction is like "omg, that is something I would have said." For example, like taking my little out drinking and she starts saying "LAUREN, IT'S TIME TO TAKE SHOTS!" Ummmm, it's 1:30 in the morning. It might be beer thirty but it's definitely not shot o'clock. She obviously disagrees with me and sees some fratastic d. bag with a blazer and tie on double fisting what I'm going to believe were rail drinks...if you don't know what a rail drink is, go to TOTS, order one and then you'll probably hate your life for the next day and a half. Anyway, she proceeds to start drinking one of his drinks but once he actually starts talking to her she waves her hand and says "You can go now" and dismisses him off. OMG! My jaw dropped, literally. I like to call this "making bros my bros." I could not have been more proud in that moment! I don't need anymore proof than that. I'm obvs doing something right with my life by passing down my awesome personality traits to the younger generation.
My Wednesday blog has been surprisingly enjoyable. I might have to start blogging on sexual Wednesday, you can deal with it Jenna Marbles. I do what I want, damnit! I should probably get back to packing, laundry, dancing and being awesome.
Special shoutout to everyone who played me in Words with Friends, especially to the first person to play me :), after last week's post. I am now playing 11 games of WWF, and losing all 11 of them. Oh yeaaah! I hear through the grapevine that several people want to make my blog before they graduate so start doing awesome things!!!
241 <3
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Thursday, March 22, 2012
This is seriously my life...
Week 2! holler. I hope this one brings as much enjoyment as the last...
My "t" button on my computer is sticking so if there are randoms t's missing in words, you know why. grrrrrr it's getting on my nervesss. rawr. Having to erase back and punch down the "t" button every time I leave one out is getting really old.
I need to first start off by talking about the addictions in my life. I promise they're not weird like collecting cabbage patch dolls or eating sofa lint. More like drinking excessive amounts of coffee (which I'm partaking in now, oops) and this gosh forsaken facebook game...Words with Friends. ugh.. Maybe you're playing me? And by playing me I really mean beating me. It's starting to become a serious issue...the person that got me started needs to pay, you know who you are *cough* J. Gould *cough*. For those of you who aren't on the Words with Friends bandwagon yet, it's pretty much like scrabble and you send words back and worth to you friends on facebook. It sounds ridiculous, I know. But getting a triple word is pretty awesome. Anyway, I'm really bad and I lose pretty much every game. Lucky for me, my computer tells me that I win every single game I play so my feelings don't get hurt. But for real, my roommates and I sit in the same room screaming at each other "IS THAT REALLY A WORD!?! REALLY? YOU GOT 18 POINTS FOR PUTTING AN X NEXT TO THAT I? REALLY????!!!" Sometimes things like that happen...it might be embarrassing? So basically, you should play me in Words with Friends so you can beat me and I can continue to not do shit with my life.
NEXT TOPIC. This topic actually makes me really mad so brace yourselves friends. I need to put this out in the open and HOPEFULLY someone who is guilty of this will read my blog and cut it out. Married men need to start getting their act together, seriously. Not all married men, not the ones that stay home with their wife and kids but the ones you catch out at bars on Saturday nights trying to pick up girls. I must have some look on my face that married men really like because I can't seem to get them to leave me the eff alone. DO NOT come put your arm around me and start talking to me just because I'm 2 long island's in. It does not mean I'm gonna go home with you. Better yet, maybe if you do want to try to get with me, or any girl for that matter you should probably learn to be slick enough to keep your left hand in your pocket or something. Or learn from the best, married men from KY don't even wear their rings to the bars. Talk about sketchy. So don't be surprised when I walk away after I see your wedding band, not interested. WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING AT A BAR?!! GO HOME TO YOUR WIFE! Do not follow me...just don't. What do they do? follow me. What do I do? Find random people that I don't know to make them go away. Cool. I never thought I'd have this problem in Blacksburg...Lexington, KY was enough for me. SO for all you married men out there, when you see a young girl at a bar, reflect in and reevaluate what you're doing with your life. We are not interested in being your girl on the side because your wife isn't gonna go after you when she finds out, homegirl is coming after us. So please, just stop. Stay home with your wife for a change? Marriage counseling? Get a dog? The solutions are endless. Work on it.
Time to wrap this up...I am going to end with a story pertaining to my blog. Before I start, everyone should know the kind of relationship I have with my parents. They understand me, everything you hear me say so do they. My parents and I are good buds. So my Dad and I are texting and I am telling him about how I got this blog. He wants to read it so I make sure it's not too off the wall before giving him the link. I text back saying "It's basically about how I'm a bitch to guys and I drink a lot of wine...you already know those things right?"...his reply..."Wine? No. Bitch? Yes." I DIED. SERIOUSLY. I could not stop laughing. So that day I figured out that I get my wittiness from my Dad. Give yourself a pat on the back Dad, you're pretty awesome. You should probably hug my dad next time you see him, I know someone who will...he loves hugs. right Vickmizzle (I did not make up this alias)?
I wish I could be this productive for my Technical Writing class but writing about nonsense English crap versus my ridiculous life, no comparison. Anyway I think it's time to jam to Rack City, make my bed, enjoy the peacefulness of my apartment and drink more coffee.
Special shout out to my other roomie because I heard she's a wild one. OHHHHHHH ohhhhhh ohhhhhh.
241 <3
My "t" button on my computer is sticking so if there are randoms t's missing in words, you know why. grrrrrr it's getting on my nervesss. rawr. Having to erase back and punch down the "t" button every time I leave one out is getting really old.
I need to first start off by talking about the addictions in my life. I promise they're not weird like collecting cabbage patch dolls or eating sofa lint. More like drinking excessive amounts of coffee (which I'm partaking in now, oops) and this gosh forsaken facebook game...Words with Friends. ugh.. Maybe you're playing me? And by playing me I really mean beating me. It's starting to become a serious issue...the person that got me started needs to pay, you know who you are *cough* J. Gould *cough*. For those of you who aren't on the Words with Friends bandwagon yet, it's pretty much like scrabble and you send words back and worth to you friends on facebook. It sounds ridiculous, I know. But getting a triple word is pretty awesome. Anyway, I'm really bad and I lose pretty much every game. Lucky for me, my computer tells me that I win every single game I play so my feelings don't get hurt. But for real, my roommates and I sit in the same room screaming at each other "IS THAT REALLY A WORD!?! REALLY? YOU GOT 18 POINTS FOR PUTTING AN X NEXT TO THAT I? REALLY????!!!" Sometimes things like that happen...it might be embarrassing? So basically, you should play me in Words with Friends so you can beat me and I can continue to not do shit with my life.
NEXT TOPIC. This topic actually makes me really mad so brace yourselves friends. I need to put this out in the open and HOPEFULLY someone who is guilty of this will read my blog and cut it out. Married men need to start getting their act together, seriously. Not all married men, not the ones that stay home with their wife and kids but the ones you catch out at bars on Saturday nights trying to pick up girls. I must have some look on my face that married men really like because I can't seem to get them to leave me the eff alone. DO NOT come put your arm around me and start talking to me just because I'm 2 long island's in. It does not mean I'm gonna go home with you. Better yet, maybe if you do want to try to get with me, or any girl for that matter you should probably learn to be slick enough to keep your left hand in your pocket or something. Or learn from the best, married men from KY don't even wear their rings to the bars. Talk about sketchy. So don't be surprised when I walk away after I see your wedding band, not interested. WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING AT A BAR?!! GO HOME TO YOUR WIFE! Do not follow me...just don't. What do they do? follow me. What do I do? Find random people that I don't know to make them go away. Cool. I never thought I'd have this problem in Blacksburg...Lexington, KY was enough for me. SO for all you married men out there, when you see a young girl at a bar, reflect in and reevaluate what you're doing with your life. We are not interested in being your girl on the side because your wife isn't gonna go after you when she finds out, homegirl is coming after us. So please, just stop. Stay home with your wife for a change? Marriage counseling? Get a dog? The solutions are endless. Work on it.
Time to wrap this up...I am going to end with a story pertaining to my blog. Before I start, everyone should know the kind of relationship I have with my parents. They understand me, everything you hear me say so do they. My parents and I are good buds. So my Dad and I are texting and I am telling him about how I got this blog. He wants to read it so I make sure it's not too off the wall before giving him the link. I text back saying "It's basically about how I'm a bitch to guys and I drink a lot of wine...you already know those things right?"...his reply..."Wine? No. Bitch? Yes." I DIED. SERIOUSLY. I could not stop laughing. So that day I figured out that I get my wittiness from my Dad. Give yourself a pat on the back Dad, you're pretty awesome. You should probably hug my dad next time you see him, I know someone who will...he loves hugs. right Vickmizzle (I did not make up this alias)?
I wish I could be this productive for my Technical Writing class but writing about nonsense English crap versus my ridiculous life, no comparison. Anyway I think it's time to jam to Rack City, make my bed, enjoy the peacefulness of my apartment and drink more coffee.
Special shout out to my other roomie because I heard she's a wild one. OHHHHHHH ohhhhhh ohhhhhh.
241 <3
Thursday, March 15, 2012
The week after Spring Break...
HERE IS THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR!!!!
Forgive me in advance, I'm running on 5 hours of sleep and this girl does not do well without sleep...things might get a little crazy. And, I was drinking wine until 1 am. Did I mention I work at 6:30 in the morning? Good life decisions. OH, and as I'm writing this I will probably eat an entirely sleeve of Thin Mints. Yes, I know it's 8:30 in the morning. Do I care? nahhh.
SO the hype all last week was everyone is on spring break! woot. But what I care about is the week AFTER spring break. Yes, you might be super tan because you just came back from Florida but now you're back at school and you can tell how many people it truly affects. 50% more people are riding the struggle bus to class...yeah it's probably a good thing you got that tan because you forgot to brush your hair? oops. So anyway, most people are still adjusting from their time away from school but me...I'm on my A game. My comments are whitty as all get out and I've been feeling quite spritely all week.
My first spritely moment of the week...encounters with JSM. I've come to terms with our mother-daughter relationship but I really took it public this week. After she instructed our group to "not be sluts" I couldn't resist my comments. Usually I can filter in my head what I'm about to say but not this week. I hope I had a motive to actually say this but I really can't remember it...anyway, I told her she was the reason I drank. You can all laugh now but WAIT, her comeback was good. She told me I was the reason she had grey hair. Impressed? I really was, didn't know she had it in her. So put that on your list of things to NOT say to professors. IT GETS BETTER. Never use the phrase "pretty is as pretty does" around your best friend that has known you since you were 7 because it only ends badly. You'll probably have it followed by "Is that your philosophy on life Lauren, is that why you're allowed to be mean?" YUP. THAT HAPPENED. As I wanted to turn around and call her a really nasty word I remember that I was surrounded by oh I dunno, 3 people that don't want to hear me say that word. So I turn around silently and moved on with my life. Winning? Not so much.
I just thought my blog was gone because my computer turned off...I FOUND IT! It's gonna be a good day friends.
Maybe I'll just get a Pinterest...Oh, those Thin Mints...gone.
I'll just move on to my next thought...the opposite sex. Now usually I don't have many problems in this department because I complete alienate myself from all encounters but this week has gotten pretty strange. If you're gonna text me and call me a stupid pet name like "honey" (ew, gag)...the least you can do is spell is right. What is "hunny"? I don't get it? Really? Then when I text back "ew. weird", you should probs quit it. Just don't do it, seriously. My name is Lauren, you can call me that. Thanks. I also got quite witty when he mentioned going out with me. Normal girls are like "oh yeah, I'd love to!"...Me? I give the response of "Maybe I'd let you buy me dinner." REALLY? Good job Lauren. I pat myself on the back for that one. So yes, outrageous comments as such do really come out of my mouth. Then I ponder on the fact that there is probably not a guy out there that could handle me but if there is, he'll be fully entertained til death do us part.
I wish I had more time to write about the other 84588 ridiculous things that have happened to me recently but I need to dance in my room to Starships by Nicki Minaj (it really pumps up my day) and I need to make my bed, go to class, eat more cookies and drink more wine. As you can tell, it's gonna be a busy day.
Special shout out to my roomie because she told me I was amazing 17 times yesterday. Do something awesome and maybe you'll get a shout out in my blog? Work on it.
241 <3
Forgive me in advance, I'm running on 5 hours of sleep and this girl does not do well without sleep...things might get a little crazy. And, I was drinking wine until 1 am. Did I mention I work at 6:30 in the morning? Good life decisions. OH, and as I'm writing this I will probably eat an entirely sleeve of Thin Mints. Yes, I know it's 8:30 in the morning. Do I care? nahhh.
SO the hype all last week was everyone is on spring break! woot. But what I care about is the week AFTER spring break. Yes, you might be super tan because you just came back from Florida but now you're back at school and you can tell how many people it truly affects. 50% more people are riding the struggle bus to class...yeah it's probably a good thing you got that tan because you forgot to brush your hair? oops. So anyway, most people are still adjusting from their time away from school but me...I'm on my A game. My comments are whitty as all get out and I've been feeling quite spritely all week.
My first spritely moment of the week...encounters with JSM. I've come to terms with our mother-daughter relationship but I really took it public this week. After she instructed our group to "not be sluts" I couldn't resist my comments. Usually I can filter in my head what I'm about to say but not this week. I hope I had a motive to actually say this but I really can't remember it...anyway, I told her she was the reason I drank. You can all laugh now but WAIT, her comeback was good. She told me I was the reason she had grey hair. Impressed? I really was, didn't know she had it in her. So put that on your list of things to NOT say to professors. IT GETS BETTER. Never use the phrase "pretty is as pretty does" around your best friend that has known you since you were 7 because it only ends badly. You'll probably have it followed by "Is that your philosophy on life Lauren, is that why you're allowed to be mean?" YUP. THAT HAPPENED. As I wanted to turn around and call her a really nasty word I remember that I was surrounded by oh I dunno, 3 people that don't want to hear me say that word. So I turn around silently and moved on with my life. Winning? Not so much.
I just thought my blog was gone because my computer turned off...I FOUND IT! It's gonna be a good day friends.
Maybe I'll just get a Pinterest...Oh, those Thin Mints...gone.
I'll just move on to my next thought...the opposite sex. Now usually I don't have many problems in this department because I complete alienate myself from all encounters but this week has gotten pretty strange. If you're gonna text me and call me a stupid pet name like "honey" (ew, gag)...the least you can do is spell is right. What is "hunny"? I don't get it? Really? Then when I text back "ew. weird", you should probs quit it. Just don't do it, seriously. My name is Lauren, you can call me that. Thanks. I also got quite witty when he mentioned going out with me. Normal girls are like "oh yeah, I'd love to!"...Me? I give the response of "Maybe I'd let you buy me dinner." REALLY? Good job Lauren. I pat myself on the back for that one. So yes, outrageous comments as such do really come out of my mouth. Then I ponder on the fact that there is probably not a guy out there that could handle me but if there is, he'll be fully entertained til death do us part.
I wish I had more time to write about the other 84588 ridiculous things that have happened to me recently but I need to dance in my room to Starships by Nicki Minaj (it really pumps up my day) and I need to make my bed, go to class, eat more cookies and drink more wine. As you can tell, it's gonna be a busy day.
Special shout out to my roomie because she told me I was amazing 17 times yesterday. Do something awesome and maybe you'll get a shout out in my blog? Work on it.
241 <3
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